I love Autumn, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't love me. So far, this year's autumn has been full of weather that screams "I want to be winter, not fall!" with all the wintry mix precipitation, wind and icy temperatures. To say the least, my body is screaming for sunshine to no avail. It is just going to be one of those
Today has been one of my worst days yet. I know it is in part due to my rush-rush-rush, go-go-go lately. My body wants a break, and is forcing one upon me, but I can't but hope it passes by tonight without the need for me to take my Meloxicam and/or go to bed really early, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I will lose that battle. *sigh* At least the coffee is helping with the brain fog a little, though the migraine that has been lurking at the door all day is still trying to sneak in. Big meanie. :(
I am laughing as I type, ironically, at the amount of effort it is taking to type each sentence. My fingers are stiff (I keep taking breaks to hold onto my nice and toasty coffee mug to warm them up since that helps the issue) and my mind cannot seem to remember how to spell
anythng, anyting, aynthng...ACK! ANYTHING! There, got it. :) Sneaky bugger, words.
Anyway, you'd laugh if you saw me. Really. It's ok. I'm giggling. I have 2 sweatshirts on, a pair of thick, warm leggings under my long, jean skirt and not 1, but 2 thick, heavy blankets wrapped around my waist. Oh, yes - Paris runway, here I come! Seriously, it should be a trend. :) *using best announcer voice* "Fibro Fashions...When you need more warmth than a parka can offer to help get rid of the pain." Yah...I'd buy that...or not. Function over fashion today, for sure! I haven't resorted to gloves or a knit cap yet, but I've thought about it!
If you're wondering why I haven't turned up the heat - I have. It's plenty warm enough in here for the average bear...My body just needs more than that today. Gotta love it!
I feel like I'm being attacked on all sides. I've overdone it physically, it's cold and icky out and my October Unprocessed (click on my neat little badge to the right to read more on that) pledge is not going according to plan (i.e. way more than my normal amount of next-to-no processed food has entered my body lately - bad Julie!). So what's a gal to do?
Well, I can do nothing about the weather, so let's just skip that. It doesn't bother me too much in general as long as I am good in other areas...something I know, but pushed to the back of my wee little mind. That needs to stop or I'll be in trouble more often than not. Next!
Ok, so I can do something about the physical stuff. I need to rest more (or at least take more breaks) and ask for help more. I can do that...but it's not easy for me. Why? Because I struggle with pride, just like the next "I can do it better" person out there. It's a very bad habit...a NASTY habit. I'm working on it, really I am, but habits can be so hard to break. God is using this pain that I'm feeling right now to remind me just how "not worth it" pride is. It's rough, but I'm grateful for it in that sense.
The food issue...Yah, this is the one that I'm most embarrassed about. I KNOW better. I advise people about this daily! What is my problem!?!?! Selfishness. Really, that's what it boils down to. I'd rather sulk about my pain and whimper in the corner and throw in an easy, ready-made, preservative and who knows what all else packed meal than whip up something easy that's good for me (like spaghetti or salad or macaroni soup or any one of the more simple recipes from my other blog). I can even do "planned overs" when I am feeling good, but I don't. I'd rather have more "me" time than prepare for a
rainy Fibro day. Shame on me! Today is a painful reminder of what selfishness can do. I'm thinking, selfishness is just as "not worth it" as pride. Eventually I'll learn those lessons, I hope!
Today as I look around a house that I'm helpless to make spotless, as I painfully try to make a meal I know I need to make instead of falling into the "processed food" rut, as I long to play with my kids more than I can, I will remember what got me here. We can't control all of our circumstances, but we do have choices to make within them.
Life, like weather, hits all of us with a mix of things we cannot control. We can choose to wear the proper attire for it (i.e. a smile where it can be given and a prayerful, loving heart) or we can go out in it without a jacket on and complain because it's not summer time (i.e. be a grump and feel like the world's against you). You can enjoy the storms so much better if you choose to see the beauty of the rain than focusing on the loudness of the thunder.
Life also consists of things we can control, just like the food we eat or the physical activity we do. We can choose to eat right and be healthy (i.e. keep our attitude right and do those good things we're able to do) or eat the junk and pay for it later (i.e. sin is only sweet for a little while - the consequences always come...and often a whole lot worse than you bargained for or expected). We can choose to go on the walk or run that race (i.e. help others out, take care of our families) or we can sit on our heinies and grump that we have no energy (i.e. live like a hermit and wonder why we're all alone).
Perspective changes everything. I'm grateful for these Fibro Days of Autumn, even though they are rough. Why? Because they remind me that, even when I cannot, God can and that it's not about me. I cannot be prideful or selfish and live a long, full, happy life. Those things cripple and hurt, very literally. If I want to have the best life, I have to let go of a little bit of "me" time to plan ahead, I have to ask for help when I need it and I need to always pray for wisdom to know just what the right balance is. I cannot do this alone. I need my family, my friends and most of all, my God.
I hope you have an amazing day despite the weather or station you find yourself in today! You are in my prayers, dear readers, and feel free to contact me or comment below at any time. I'd love to hear from you, and I'm here for you! :)